vices and life

I watched "The Bridge" recently, which is a movie about the Golden Gate bridge, and people jumping off of it.

Watching these people kill themselves by jumping off a bridge, all I could think of was that if I ever decided to kill myself, I'd do it with the vices that I've had to cut out of my life as I got older. I would smoke five packs a day, drink myself retarded, eat burritos and bbq and steak every meal, you name it. If you're gonna go out, might as well go out like that, right?

Except, that's the rub. Vices are for people who enjoy life. A vice is something that's bad for you, but gives you pleasure. Presumably if you're looking to kill yourself, nothing really gives you pleasure anymore, which is why you're wanting a way out.

Meanwhile, I love life, and I've had to spend the majority of my 20's learning how to cut out my vices, quitting smoking, drinking less, eating healthier. As long as you want to live, you have to cut out the vices in your life that you enjoy so much, and as soon as you want to die, the vices no longer have the same allure. I guess the only time vices really work is when you've not really thought through the consequences of your actions, like I hadn't when I was younger. Aint't life a bitch.